Motherhood Diaries: Baby Sleep struggles

It’s 2.35am, I am wide awake, the normal bone deep tiredness retreating into the distance for a confused change. I just went through a bizarre tussle with my 10 month old daughter, leaving me feeling somewhat lacking as a mother.

Basically what has been happening lately that gave rise to me feeling that I am failing as a mum is that bedtime has been mostly a struggle withour baby girl and I. Well, a “more-than-usual” struggle. I honestly don’t know how sleep training would work with a restless sleeper.

From the moment she turned 7 months, she would pull herself to stand in her crib-turned-play-pen and walk around in circles endlessly. So leaving her to sleep on her own in the crib doesn’t work as she will take that as permission to explore and play and perfect her walking skills through the night.

So now, in putting baby to bed, I would go through this long tiring workout juggling between backing her, bringing her down when she keeps wriggling.

To put her to sleep, picture backing a child and bouncing up and down on your heels to rock her to sleep…

If she is still awake an hour later, or as short as it takes for me to physically tire out, I proceed to use my breastmilk to make her fall asleep (yes, I know experts say this is a no-no but what is a fatigued mama gonna do?!)

Any little energy I have at the end of the day is spent putting her to sleep. Sometimes she falls asleep quite easily. But it is nights like this one that leave more of an impression. I had to Whatsapp call my husband in the living room to come bail me out.

I had woken up before 7 this morning with a determined zeal to clean (sweep and mop floors) our entire house in one day (we have a big house). Usually I do portions between two or three days. My mum and her helper had come over today and I used the opportunity to see my plan through.

My husband had come home by 9pm and hadn’t eaten his packed lunch yet so I didn’t want to disturb him till he had eaten dinner. I continued my efforts doggedly despite my aching legs and back and tiredness. At 10.45pm, I had to Whatsapp call him to come bail me out. I had just changed her poopy diapers and he met us splayed out on the bed, she had rolled over playfully on the bed. He picked her up and she docilely laid her head on his shoulder. I looked on in disbelief and felt a brief pang of disappointment at all the effort I had put in, including struggling to keep her head on my shoulder to sleep as part of my list of efforts of sleep routine. I turned off the lamp and lay silently on the messy bed so as not to make any noise.

Fast forward to now, I can’t remember if this is the first time she woke up since hubby put her to bed, but somehow this time she just would not suck and go back to sleep, though this happens a few times since she turned 5 months. I don’t know how this huge sense of frustration and anger came over me and I stood up with her and start forcing her head to rest on my shoulder and angrily hissing at her that its time to sleep. She obviously fought off my efforts and her whimpers woke my husband who normally sleeps through her middle-of-the-night-feedings. I got back into bed and tried giving her the breast to go back to sleep, but she is still awake and I’m feeling angry and frustrated and she is crying out. My husband gave up tossing and turning and just takes her from my arms and she quietens and falls promptly asleep as he rocks her. He keeps on his efforts for like 10 more minutes to ensure she is in deep sleep all the while I am feeling guilty at my anger and frustration and somewhat betrayed by how easily she has been falling asleep with her dad.

My husband lays her down and comes into bed..I reach out for him, he lays on his stomach, head faced away, arm squeezing mine and instantly falls asleep, unaware of the turmoil within me.

Wide awake and disconcerted, I pick up the phone and weirdly try to blog my feelings away to the calm whirring of our standing fan. The me of several years ago would bring out my well worn diary and write and write, trying to sort out my feelings, Literally pouring out my confused feelings till I fall asleep, emptied.

I guess I blow my nose a little bit noisily and our darling super light sleeper is up and standing, clinging to the sides of her cot, whimpering. I take her, bring her to my breast, she instantly falls asleep and all is right with the mother in me. Though I still feel the need to finish this blog. Whereas my thoughts were all jumbled off and I started going off on a tangent, which I erased… my head is cleared and I am able to recount this nights misadventure more clearly…for a fellow nursing mom’s reading pleasure as you chuckle and sympathize along with me.

For now, I will try and resume as much needed rest before she wakes up for her next midnight breastfeed…

Dear nursing mother…or nursing father (as my hubby and some men I know would passionately argue for…)Please would like to hear your stories as well as moments of frustration u felt in your journey into parenthood. Where there certain vivid circumstances that occurred which left u feeling less than or lacking as a parent?

What lessons have you learnt from being a parent?

Sleeping “like a baby” in the wee hours of the morning…and yes, she sleeps most soundly in our bed

Training my 10-month old baby girl





“You people are late, you have spoilt her, you should have started training her before 6 months,” my Nigerian dad said from the head of the sturdy oak dining table a few days ago.




Then began my attempts to defend my parenting abilities “well daddy, she only recently began to understand “No”. She just turned 10 months… there is still plenty of hope for discipline.”




After that, I don’t know what possessed me to explain how she is already showing signs of a strong will and how she clenches her teeth and sometimes squeezes her eyes shut when I am derailing her exploratory efforts with “No” and finger wagging.




“Great, you just confirmed what daddy is saying!”, I mentally chide myself. Am I supposed to spank a 10-month-old?




Anyone familiar with the Nigerian parenting style will sympathize with me. I have been exposed to many homes with varied styles of parenting and I know the result of a total lack of discipline.




It’s almost inevitable that the visit to my parent’s place during the weekend of the (failed/postponed) Nigerian presidential elections gave me an opportunity to reflect on, decide and actively implement how best I want to raise our child with my husband. After all, we did promise in front of God and our church to raise her in fear and knowledge of God…..



Partnering with God in Parenting




Often we are so tempted to Google everything when it comes to the unknown and we try to equip ourselves with medical and expert advice gathered from research studies. My Google dependence soared to new heights from the moment I got pregnant. However, God is the one who created our precious ones. He alone knows all the gifts, talents and abilities He has deposited in our children.


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Wedding Anniversary: 2 years celebration

Twas two years ago to this day
That I walked down the aisle & vowed
To stick with you, come what may…
Walking on a cloud by your side,
Was the beginning of our journey,
As we began to build our home in stride.

Look at us two years into our journey,
God has blessed us in so many ways
A family of two now turned three,
I pray God’s love with us stays
His wisdom and knowledge to be our guide
And Holy Spirit, the teacher by our side.

Happy Anniversary my darling heart

Cheers to all the beautifully strong Women I know

Though International Women’s day may be over…I hope the celebration of ourselves as women will continue.

So cheers to all the phenomenal women I know and all over the world, yes you! No matter what corner of the world you live in, I celebrate you, your dreams, your daily grind and hard work, your struggles, your fight, your disappointments, your failures…

Even those of us struggling to find passion, purpose & meaning in life…let us learn to stop and smell the roses. To appreciate people in our lives. Don’t give up, pick yourself up and try again. Don’t take NO for an answer. Stop beating yourself up because Self-Discovery is a process that doesn’t ends till we die. To discover ourselves, we need to spend more time with our creator. How do we learn about all the features & abilities of a machine without the owner’s manual? The Bible is our owners manual. When we spend time with God and with His Word, it illuminates every aspect of who we are and our lives “The entrance of Your words gives light; It gives understanding to the simple.”
Psalms 119:130 NKJV

Ask God to reveal the gifts and talents He has deposited in you and get to work sitting down And listing, as well as asking people who know you well. Focus on one thing you are really good at, something that u find pleasure doing and ask God for direction.

My hope and dream for the female gender is that all of us women will first learn to value ourselves & each other. We are fearfully & wonderfully made. Stop the backbiting, jealousy, comparisons and negative competitive spirit creating divisions among us women. Instead let us learn to develop and model a spirit of solidarity among ourselves for the younger girls to be inspired

Dear Women, we shouldn’t take ourselves for granted. Our bodies are phenomenal! God created our bodies with the ability to nurture, grow and sustain life within for 9 months. Even if for whatever reason we haven’t experienced that, we all have the emotional and mental faculties that operates at extraordinary capabilities & under enormous stress.

A few of the women I know are relentlessly chasing their dreams. For some, the universe just magically aligned itself and the road to achieving their dreams was more or less a smooth ride with minor bumps. For so many others, it was a relentless pursuit, being rejected time and time again, refusing to take no for an answer. You may be struggling to gain admission, are a job seeker, recently unemployed, a stay at home mum or any other circumstance that’s threatening to make you feel inferior. If you are like me, life has just struck you down one too many times and you can’t find the willpower to get up. That dream you chased till it almost killed you seems totally out of reach, you can’t find an ounce of passion to dream again. You are alive, it is not the end. Don’t let that define who you are! You are strong, don’t give up!

Yes, humanely speaking it is impossible but that’s where faith comes in. A relationship with God, our creator, the giver of life will make all the difference. We may not be able to rise again in our own strength, but we can draw strength from the God of the impossible. Spending time in God’s presence will help us to rise above our circumstances on wings of an eagle.

May our lives inspire the younger girls coming up after us.

Let the celebration of you and I continue

Let us grow to be strong women.

Cheers to Strong Women;

May we know them,

May we be them,

May we raise them

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