Featured

Welcome to my life as Mrs Dew

post

The sun’s rays appear more warm golden, the birds are chirping a merrier tune, the breeze whispers a more soothing symphony. Why? Because I have put a final end to procrastinating, said “to hell!” to my fears & insecurities about what my posts will look like, or who will bother to reach my posts. Will this dream be a success? Should I pour my soul, my heart, my essence into this journey just to have everything evaporate to thin air?

Here I sit, noises filtering in through the slightly ajar office door from other offices in the complex, I decided to get inspired by a new sunrise, early dawn bird choirs and type from my heart. 

My name is Tomini, I was blessed with wonderful parents & cultural heritage. With a Nigerian father and Malaysian Chinese mother, I was raised with my two brothers in 7 countries, across 3 continents.

The Dew Diary is about my life, my reflections on my past, my musings on lessons I have learnt and am learning from the Bible, my walk with Christ, life anecdotes, books I am reading, people who are inspiring me, and so on. Come explore with me my greatest cultural shock of returning to the land of my birth at the age of 22, and living in a bubble for the initial years of my stay. I fell in love, got married and being integrated into a more rural part of town brings its own adventures. Taking after my mum’s Asian features and light skin colour doesn’t help me blend but I am either given preferential treatment as a perceived foreigner, or try not to get swindled as market women see me as an opportunity to make an extra buck or two (more like extra 100s & 1,000s more in Naira, the local currency)!

I would like to use this blog, and an associated YouTube channel & Instagram page to inspire cancer, abuse or any other survivor, as well as share my past & current struggles with moving on in life while living with a diagnosis. Hopefully, you all in the global online community can encourage and inspire me in return. We can lift each other up as we run our own individual races in this journey called LIFE.

Advertisements

Flames and Fury

In a heart-shattering swoosh

Yellow orange flames appear

Out of thin air, fiery magic: swisshh!

Time stands still, frozen in fear

Eyes hypnotized by spreading flames

Raging and consuming all in its path.

.

.

.

Thoughts a pounding

Heart beats racing

Screaming from within

Baby’s confused cries pierce

Muscles spring to action

Taking flight, flames die out

.

.

.

Charred remnants fill my vision

Oh dear anxious heart be still

What-ifs scenarios, mind’s revision

A continuous loop sends down a chill

Enough! No more dwelling in fear.

.

Friend’s reassurances fall on deaf ears

Husband’s comfort efforts fall to naught

I run to God’s Word to cast off all fears

Desperate for a calm amidst my inner raging storm

Weaning: the challenges and joy

Two massive masses of excruciating, throbbing pain on my chest

Pain that pounds along to the blood coursing through my veins

Eyes heavy and hooded, holding back expressions of pain

I shy away for fear of being kicked or elbowed in the most tender of places

Uuuffffhh!

A kick I didn’t see coming knocks me off my feet, I fail to brace myself

For the waves of pain shooting through my body

I hold our baby girl away from me

Her eyes well up in confusion

She longs to be held

She too is undergoing a transition, a right of passage

From being a milk dependent babe

To a grown up independent toddler

Her body, weary from lack of sleep of the night before,

Her lips peel back to let out cries of hurt, needing her mama

The sweet delicious comfort she has known since birth is snatched away,

Been craddled in the warmth of mummy’s arms

Suckling, a scientifically inexplicable bond

Learning to sleep without aid of suckling milk is a foreign feat

.

Swollen breasts harden, small breast ducts bulging beneath skin

As mum’s brain registers the cues of baby’s cries,

Sends signals to the breast: produce more milk!

Doesn’t matter that milk storages are overfull

.

.

.

With each passing day, the pain reduces, albeit minimally

Baby girl struggles reduce, sleep embraces her with open arms

During the day, mother and daughter slowly learn a new dance

Slowly we advance to the next level of mother-daughter bonding:

Before weaning, she could never sit still for more than two heartbeats

Eager to perfect her walking, increase her speed of running,

Suddenly she is all about cuddles,

Crawling into my lap is now a normal need for mama’s comforting hugs

Independent she grows, confident in her mama’s immoveable love.

.

.

.

My mummy heart expands further than I thought possible

Love fills me, reassurance that the special bond between me and baby girl isn’t lost.

Initial fears now prove a waste of emotional strength

Our mama-daughter bond has evolved, matured, grown and strengthened.

Trading in My Fears for Faith in God

As I hold our precious daughter in my arms, struggling with her elongated arms and legs sliding out of my grasp, I jiggle her up and down as I rock her to sleep to the whirring rhythm of our ceiling fan.

There is a humongous mountain of unvoiced fears hovering at the back of my subconscious. Fears of the unknown, a looming new stage of life in front of me.

I have been a stay at home mom for the past 16 months that stretched on endlessly, yet flew by unbelievably. I have never spent a night away from our baby. Being a “stay home mom” became my identity, my purpose, my pride, my joy, my peace of mind. I had my daughter under my watchful gaze 95% of the time and I did my best to maintain a nurturing environment for her to develop, grow, and learn.

I believe it’s time for my daughter to start school so I can have some breathing space and productive use of time. I have been stubbornly on the thrill of freedom I will soon experience when my daughter starts day care even if for just half a day each week day.

Since December of last year I have been taking slow but steady steps of personal and career development..I recently realized I need space and time to really lift some enterprises off the ground.

As I cling tightly to our young toddler, I cling unto faith that God is in control. In this instant, I could either pray, or poke the mountain of fear and have it all come crashing down on me to drown beneath the weight of it all.

One of the names we gave our daughter came from us entrusting her into the care of God. I had to literally say it out to God again last night: God, I am handing our daughter into your care.

I prayed that God will assign the right care givers. I prayed that God will give her heavenly immune system and protect her from illness and disease . I prayed God will take control of every detail concerning her future (Jeremiah 29:11). I prayed that God will place her in His angels’ care so when she falls, she will not dash her foot against a stone (Psalms 91:11).

I would have prayed for longer but I couldn’t ignore the ache in my arms anymore. Plus our little angel was snoring peacefully.

One more prayer God…or two…

She has been waking up whimpering or crying for the past week. So I prayed that the peace of God that passeth all understanding would rest over her. God grant your beloved child sweet sleep.

And lastly God, help me to pray every time I am tempted to over think things and give into worry and fears. Help me to be a prayer warrior and intercede for every area of my life, my marriage, my child, my ministry and my career. Amen

Philippians 4:6-7 (NKJV)

Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication, with thanksgiving, let your requests be made known to God; and the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus.

“So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.” ~ Isaiah 41:10

Originally wrote this article here

The most delicious cup of Coffee

I sit here savoring each sip, enjoying the steaming rich aroma of one of my favorite scents: coffee! My tongue savors the most delicious, hot, silky, creamy, sweet liquid and passes it on for my yearning throat to swallow.

A crow announces its flight through the trees in our garden with its Ca-caw, ca-caw. Two little birdies chase each other around the mustard yellow and green leafy branches of the umbrella tree nearby , twittering sweetly.

The gauzy curtain of the windows flutters and gently sways as cool breeze flows into our dining room. Gentle and consistent hammering from the nearby factory provides the background music, while Chinese rhymes are playing from the tablet beside me.

My daughter sits attentively in her high chair, allowing me some moments to savour my first cup of coffee in forever. I have never tasted anything more delicious! No fancy coffeehouse, coffee art or cafe with beautiful decor can rival my current experience.

Calm contentedness fills every fibre of my being. It has been half a year since I entered my third decade and the self transformation continues. Not transformation so much as self realization. I had been in hibernation mode for so many years, cruising through life on Auto-Pilot. Allowing life to happen and pushing me along.

Curling my fingers around my warm pink ceramic mug, my mind wanders. My body’s hormonal system once again adjusting to cutting back milk supply due to our baby’s weaning. Hence the end of my coffee sabbatical. Woohoo!

A large chunk of my readers are wondering: what is all the fuss about? Coffee is your daily ritual, Starbucks within easy reach. But living here in Nigeria, coffee is a luxurious treat.

The past couple of weeks has been a bit of emotional adjustment for both mother and daughter. Lack of sleep, as daddy had to take over her nightly waking and hold her as she cried for her two-three times a night breast-milk snack. I used to think I have a high level of pain-tolerance but i questioned that when dealing with breast engorgement, headaches and body aches such as I never imagined possible.

Weaning was a bittersweet transition because on the one hand, I missed the oxytocin-facilitated bonding with our daughter in breastfeeding sessions: the overwhelming feelings of love, happiness boost and closeness to our daughter.

I can’t imagine how difficult it was for baby girl to be cut off from suckling from mummy as she had done from the first day she was introduced to the world. Baby girl also had to learn how to adjust to a main source of comfort by finding comfort in mama through other means: cuddles, neck guzzling and so forth.

On the up-side: weaning marks a sort of transition from a newbie mum, a nursing mum to a “toddler mum”? I feel like I have graduated to next phase of parenting. The freedom of not nursing anymore is thrilling! Any other stay home mamas know what on Earth I am talking about? 😀

I put so many things on hold so I could give everything I could to personally oversee her care. So am definitely looking forward to easing back into other interests and business pursuits. So Exciting!

Hope you enjoyed all the musings the most delicious cup of coffee brought me!

Learning Boundaries

No more banging on doors, begging you to let me in

And try and try with all my might

How your heart am I supposed to win?

How can I expect others to respect me

When respect to myself I first must show?

.

From the first day, I was on my knees

All my pleas, your anger can never cease

The tears drip till the heart bleeds dry

Beg and beg, you are deaf to all cry.

.

I dance and fail to move to your tune,

With all my energy, I will my feet to move

To all my sweet charm, you are immune,

My self worth to you I shall never prove.

.

Enough with all my defensiveness,

No more proving my fabulousness,

Time to learn who God made me to be

Pleasing Him is my utmost priority

.

Take ownership, assume responsibility,

Their anger isn’t your fault, you see?

No more saying yes without thinking for myself

Learning to say no without fear of anger consequence

.

I am brave, I am strong

I admit I am wrong,

I can learn, I can grow

I can love you healthily

…..

Mother’s Heart: Forever Love

My baby girl,

It is time to sleep;

Close your eyes,

Not one little peep.

Mommy’s gonna tell you

Of a love so deep

My love I give to you,

Love that’s yours to keep.

.

A mother’s love doesn’t end

When her daughter

Down the aisle she sends,

This your mum found to be true,

As she entered marriage

And motherhood without a clue.

.

Mom and grandma’s love relationship attempts,

Grew from one of strife, frustration and contempt,

To appreciation, mutual understanding and love,

Resentment now replaced with gratefulness to God above.

.

Through tears, fights, disagreements in marriage,

A mother offers words of wisdom, prayer support

That bears her daughter up in heavenly carriage

Marriage now binds them in deeper rapport

.

My little princess, this is just the beginning,

My heart, my time, my all, is yours for the taking,

May God bless this mother’s heart

Keep me by your side, never to depart.

Pouring rain, bikes and mom dates

Flying through the city,
Dust swirling without pity,
Zooming past the traffic,
Spirits soaring, heights terrific..
Through obstacles of time constraint,

Conflicting schedules, baby restraints,
Mommies twain to finally meet,

Giggles and smiles as we greet.

.No baby carriers, bag-full hands;

No eyes roaming, yelling commands;

Just two ecstatic ladies out on a date,

Enjoying a delicious meeting of fate;

Two kindred spirits, lovers of fashion,

Yearning to break forth with passion

.

.Speeding back home to another encounter,

This time to the sound of pitter patter,

Rain drip dropping on my nylon covered hair,

Zooming through slick, empty streets with zesty flair,

No rain is going to dampen this mama’s spirits, I declare.

.

Home at last, another mom date sits a- ‘waiting,

With her two adorables, chit chatting,

I see that precious little human my heart is missing,

Even though independence I just was relishing.

To the Nursing Fathers

A nursing father, you’d agree

Biological impossibility, he may be

I have come to know such an anomaly

He is the father of my child, you see…

.

A harder working man has never crossed my sight,

Though you search for him with all your might,

Selfless, diligent, sweat he has sown

The comfort of wife and baby before his own

.

He works, he toils, he perspires,

For his family’s best, he aspires,

A nursing father exudes strength beyond belief,

My Superman flies home much to my relief,

To take over our bundle of energy,

A fussing cry turns to squeals of glee

.

Moms all over the world will agree and decide

Life as a parent is easier with you by our side,

May God continue to guide and strengthen you,

Crown your efforts with success, blessings in all you do

To the nursing Fathers I say

Have a fantastical Father’s Day!

Originally posted Fathers day 2019, on Christianmommas.com

Love as fragile as a Rose

Love as fragile as a Rose;
It’s beauty fully appreciated
When received as a single flower,
Or in a gorgeously adorned bouquet

You smell its fragrance
Only because you long to
As you inch closer to sniff,
Hands steering clear of its protective thorns

It is most appealing and vibrant
When freshly plucked, it shines
With rich, radiant rosiness,
Or its pure, graceful pearly white.

As time passes, alone it darkens.
The petals you see blacken
Slowly withers away, beauty fades.
But peel the outer layers away, reveals the beauty within

If you treasure the rose, love it.
To keep the love alive, nurture it.
Prune the rose, cut the stem diagonally.
Plant it within nutrient-enriched soil,

to see it thrive and flourish.

Though the thorns may bleed you
If you hastily approach, no caution.
But if you tenderly strip away the defenses of thorns,
Take the time to get closer and discover what lies beneath,
What joys, pleasures, sensations new experience brings
And you will forget the initial pricks and thorns,
As you enjoy a rose garden full of love.

Written by the much younger Mrs Dew 🙂

To all the weary moms…

To all the weary moms,

New recruits who have been through childbirth storms,

To labour pains you refused to cave,

Back screaming from radiating waves,

The lifeless feeling of a body drained of blood…

The oh so elusive sleep your whole being craves.

.

Night blurs into days

Time now being kept to the cries of your new born babe,

The world revolves around feeding, diapers and bath times

Cobwebbed brain operating in automation mode

Striving to settle our precious one into our loving abode.

.

Days runs into weeks that blend into months,

Baby learns to roll, then scoot turns into crawls

Dreaded immunizations as baby in pain bawls,

Then comes the time to introduce baby to solid food

The nursing mother thinks her salvation has arrived.

.

To all the weary moms, I raise a song,

You are brave, selfless and strong,

Labour and childbirth didn’t make you keel,

One day at a time, your body will heal

And so the journey into motherhood

Evolves and revolves…

Photocredits: IG user @postpartum

Heart heavy Dream Desires

Dreams
…..Hopes
……….Desires
…………..Wishes
…………………Dreams

The heart sighs with its heavy, unfulfilled desires;
The mind churns with plans for my ultimate future;
So much to do, many places to go;
Scores of people to meet, kilometers of paths to tread;
Mountain after Mountain to take captive of;
Battles to be fought, Lessons to be learned;
Becoming a victor is no small feat;
To be triumphant over the wars of life is the end goal.

.

The journey of a thousand miles begins with a thought, a dream;
Followed by more dreams, encouraged by faith and freedom;
Freedom to take an action at a time, to follow dreams;
There is much to do, careful planning is needed;
A time for everything, a time for realistic planning;
Focusing on one thing at a time.

It is time to reign in those wild horses of thoughts;
Time to take count, rank in order of importance;
Next, it is imminent to put into practice one thought;
Follow through to the end. IF impossible to succeed,
Re-evaluate the plan of action vital for dreams to take flight.

.

Note this, there is no dream impossible to dream;
If it is right and true, heavens will smile down;
And together with faith and hardwork,
WILL see this dream through until it becomes YOUR REALITY

The heartbeat races

The heartbeat races
The brain pounds to the beat
Of the reverberating drum of life

People to love,
Lovers who break your heart,
Friends to cherish
Buddies who betray your trust

Life is a double sided coin,
Life is a rollercoaster, a journey, an adventure,
Life is your tune to create.
It all depends on perspective and attitude.

Humanity: violence and hope

The World, I fear, has lost its mind;
It’s running amuck, humanity is stuck in a grind:
Hacked to death, storms a’raging;
Terrorists’ plots and massacres from bombings;
The news around invades one’s peace of mind.

.

Politics, a terrorizing version of chess;
The true nature of a leader steers us all towards chaos or progress.
The Media adds fuel to riots galore;
Violent-ridden streets, rivers of blood and gore.
It is time for wisdom to rule, time to think for oneself.

.

Youths in their years of twenty-somethings,
Caught up amidst turmoil and woes, what is life’s meaning?
We are now adults, still lost in a storm;
We’ve forgotten where we came from,
Lost in the thrill of chasing Forbes-Hollywood of fortune and fame.

.

As a youth and leader of tomorrow,
Now is the time to educate, observe, avoid past mistakes and sorrow;
Decide who I am and where I want to be.
A better world starts from within, you see?
I shall not be caught up with the masses and their passivity.

.

Dearest reader, stop all the hustle;
Reflect, and breathe life outside of your passionless daily hassles.
Re-evaluate your goals and priorities;
Life is filled with endless possibilities!
Who are you? What legacy do you want to leave behind?
Do you want to be swept up with the masses, endlessly stuck in the grind?
Or do you want to set new visions, forge a new road to a brighter future
For your children who are yet to arrive into this tumultuous world?

….

This is a Poem I wrote in the wake of #UK cleaver-murder of 22nd May, 2013, originally posted on an old Facebook page i started here

6 years ago I wrote this post. The last chapter brings chills down my spine, as when I wrote this, I had no idea I would be a parent any time soon.

Now with a daughter of my own, this poem resonates on a whole new level with me. What sort of world have I brought our daughter into?

What can I do starting today that will build a better world she can live in and thrive?

What can YOU do to be the change the world needs in your little corner today.

You can choose to be different

Be a positive influence to your siblings, classmates, colleagues, neighbors, employees and even the bosses above you.

If you are blessed with greater spheres of influence in education, politics, engineering, medicine, etc, stop being afraid of ridicule and stand for what is right!

This was written by a younger, more idealized version of me…you once were a better person, you had dreams of a better future…you can still uphold those standards of integrity and make the younger you proud!

Write write write

The art of blogging

I stumbled upon

In all my searching

A better blogger

I most long to be.

.

This advice was oft’n repeated:

Write, write and continuously write

So here I lie among feathered filled pillows,

Tired body crying for the embrace of sleep,

One ear cocked in the direction of the crib,

Inspiration has long gone to rest.

.

And still I write

Begin this journey

I write and I write

Time to oil my pen

Exercise muscles

Heart, Hand, brain and soul

.

Write from the heart

Write from the brain

Write from experience

And non-existence

Bringing a Smile to Mommy’s Face


One of my greatest pleasures as a mom is that my baby girl thinks I am the funniest human ever. My smile is contagious and her face lights up when I’m happy. When she sees me happy, she starts giggling and doing her jiggly dance.

Happy baby, happy mama

It works both ways as well. My heart swells with joy when I see our Angel enjoying a first time experience, or giggling or flashing me her dimpled smile.

Everyday, I learn so many new things about human growth and development. One of them is that babies are born with high emotional intelligence. It amazes me!


Just because a baby may not understand what one is saying doesn’t mean one shouldn’t talk to them properly. I have discovered that babies understand facial expressions and they are able to develop facial expression preference. It is possible that their favorite expression is when daddy and mummy smiles at them.

I wonder how many of us, myself included possess a child-like desire to do the right thing, live holy and do everything we can to bring a smile to God’s face?!

HERE ARE FEW WAYS WE CAN PLEASE GOD OR BRING A SMILE TO GOD’S FACE:

1. Have faith in God

The number one way we make God happy is when we believe that God exists and seek Him with all our heart (Hebrews 11:6).

2. Fear God

To fear God means to reverence Him and everything in our life is done to please Him (Psalms 147:10-11).


3. Live a holy life

God calls us to be holy, just as He is holy (1 Peter 1:15-16). We shouldn’t use our humanity as an excuse to behave as we wish. A desire to live a holy life springs up when we believe in God’s existence, fear Him and gain a deeper understanding of who God is. One way to live a holy life, pleasing unto God is to honor God with our bodies. Our body is the temple of the Holy Spirit (1 Corinthians 6:19-20).


Smile on me, your servant; teach me the right way to live (Psalm 119:135).


May the Lord smile on you and be gracious to you. May the Lord show you his favor and give you his peace. Numbers 6:25-26

I wrote this post originally for Christianmommas.com

I first wrote this article here

Slow down little mama


“Pit pat pit pat pit pat” goes the sound of tiny feet slapping against marble tiles, as she accelerates her way, doing laps around our living room. As a sprinter arches her neck forward as she approaches the finish line, so does our daughter, as she stands up and propels herself forward at top speed.
Her fists are clenched adorably by her side, an invisible steering wheel clenched between her fists to steer her body around the sofas and side tables that form her race track.
She spots my basket of laundry in one corner, zooms in on it with laser precision, and precedes to pluck each piece of offending clothing to the left, right, or behind, as her whim dictates.
I drop any and all efforts of scheduling social media posts for a client, rushing over to pick up pieces of clothing decorating part of our floor, while our little gymnast has moved onto her next mission: tugging at the wires of a charging station we had set up in the middle cubicle of our bookshelf which she is now tall enough to reach.

When she is bored, she climbs our mini two-step stairs, venturing explore the dining area. In the split second I turn my back to pick up her toys, she has scaled her way up the side table where I have propped her tablet (for playing her nursery rhymes) to change the configurations herself.

Her little fingers have developed a lightning speed of their own. They have swiped down beloved coffee mugs, plunked my tiny phone into a warm cup of tea I was enjoying moments before she woke up that morning, and are a powerful magnet for any piece of paper left lying around or on top of surfaces previously too tall for her reach. Slow down little mama!
She keeps us on our tip toes, but no matter how vigilant our efforts in clearing table surfaces, she always manages to find something to explore with her hands, feet and mouth.

It wasn’t so long ago that I couldn’t wait for baby girl to sit on her own so I don’t need to prop pillows around her. At that time, sitting was her first step to her developing confidence in her balance and start figuring out how to crawl. This was after she turned six months.
The moment she mastered sitting, next thing was crawling and simultaneously holding on to anything taller than her sitting position so she could pull up to a standing position. I could see her delight as she could view her world around from a taller vantage point. She would stand for ages at a time, clinging onto the edge of her playpen. It went a long way to strengthen her leg muscles as she started cruising in laps around her playpen.

I knew back then she would be faster than average in walking. However, she developed a great caution outside the soft padded world of her play pen. She crawled everywhere with such speed and rhythm. I could monitor her movements from the sound of knees and hand smacking against the tiles. It wasn’t till 3 months later, she started trying to stand unaided and taking her first steps between the center table and sofa. Then came the wonderful experience of cheer leading our little one along her lessons in balance and walking.

If I thought my life as a mum busy then, boy what was I even complaining about? *smile* Sometimes I wonder, is it our princess whom I want to slow down or time itself? How I wish I can capture these cute adorable fast paced moments in a time capsule I can come visit and re-live the experience any time I want. Or have a remote I can rewind to precious moments like the Adam Sandler’s movie “Click”…

Any one in my shoes right now? Or do you remember those good old days when the grown up beside you was a wee toddler exploring his/her world with such enthusiastic glee? Let me know in comment section below!

I survived my 1st year of parenting!

And just like that, it is now a day to our baby girl’s first birthday and I want to scream to the entire world “I survived my first year of being a mama!!”

I imagine myself drenched in sweat, weary from countless nights of interrupted sleep, dirt under my fingernails from all the poopy diapers I have changed, standing victoriously on a mountaintop. Yes I am on top of the first mountain in a whole range of mountains, but for now I want a pat on the back, an award for participation. A personal moment to say “girl, you did it!”.

This time last year, I was on one of several beds in the labour ward. Anyone who has any experience with Nigeria hospitals will imagine or know first hand the trepidation I felt. I had to constantly use exercise my faith so as not to be overcome with worry . All I knew was that as long as I had a natural birth, by the grace of God, I and my baby will be in good hands.

I was divinely favoured to have a relatively pleasant and easy labour and delivery story (no need to bore you with my tales of the inadequacies of the healthcare system here). With simple child-like faith, I believed for a relatively stress-free labour experience and I was beaming (like a child who opened their Christmas gift to find it was what she has asked for and doubted whether she will get it) when I found out I was 2cm dilated with pain-free contractions. There were some challenging moments as time when doctors insisted I go for a C-section but honestly the whole experience was divinely blessed with God’s grace.

Our child has been a blessing from the moment of conception, to labour and unbelievably easy pushing part of the delivery. I literally pushed and grunted and our baby slid out.

Within first few minutes of her birth, a song of praise burst forth from my lips. Mind you, the words was more or less whispered under my breath as I was exhausted and beyond famished. As they were stitching me up, I turned my head and watched in awe as they cleaned up this pale skinned, raven haired little human with olive oil.

The struggles and anticipation of the previous nine months and the grueling ordeal of labour were already fading into memory.

How do I condense all the struggles of a rookie mama into a paragraph? Or two? The journey of bonding with our precious baby was no walk in the park. It is assumed that because a baby grew inside of you for nine months, you will form a magical bond that will detect whether they are hungry, tired or need to go poopy.

In the first several months, the process of trying to figure out why your baby is fussing goes like this:

Changed her diaper, check. Nursed her like five minutes ago so she can’t be hungry. She just napped like 30 minutes ago. Probably she is feeling the heat? Is she feeling uncomfortable because of the immunization shots she took yesterday?

Oh I look back with fondness at how frazzled different stages of the past year made me. From mommy and baby struggling to latch properly, figuring how to nurse baby girl in public like it’s no big deal, to learning how to survive the crowded immunization clinic days. Dealing with immunization aftermath like fevers, swollen tenderness and fussiness. Teething periods. Introducing solids. Progressing through purees to semi solids to beaming in pride as baby girl ate a whole banana by herself.

Oh and the moments when as a parent I beamed with pride and urged our baby girl to perfect a milestone or new skill: holding things with her fingers, grasping, rolling over, pulling herself forward, crawling, pulling up, standing, cruising and so on.

Right now we are helping our daughter learn how to perfect her balance and walking. As parents we are always teaching and encouraging our children to improve or perfect new skills and talents but there are so many lessons our little ones teach us to. I recently did an article on lessons I have learned from observing baby girl learn to walk. (Read here)

I honestly don’t know what my second year as a parent will hold but that’s what makes being a first time parent be so much fun.

Please share stories about your experiences with me too! What was your most challenging and rewarding moment in the first years of your child’s life? Is it easier the second or third “child” around? 🙂

Two Lessons From Observing My Little Human Learn to Walk

My Daughter’s Walking Adventure

I imagine that like myself, most parents cannot wait for the moment their baby learns or starts to walk independently.

My daughter first used her playpen as a safe space to test the limits of gravity as well as practice her pulling up.

The moment she could pull herself up at 7 months, she would stand for like 20 minutes (yes, I timed her once). Later, she proceeded to holding on to edges and going around her playpen in endless circles. Before long, she would try going from one edge to the other, toppling down over and over, smashing her face into the netted mesh on the sides of the playpen. I know she took her first steps in the play pen long ago. But I am not sure that counts as walking ….

Interesting enough, when she was in the living room, she would turn into the most cautious of little princesses; holding on daintily to furniture and cruising, choosing to stick to the safety of crawling from furniture A to B.

I was ecstatic when at 10 months+, she finally got bold enough to venture a few steps between the center table and sofa. Our baby girl then started her journey proper in learning how to walk.

Lesson 1: Walk by Faith

A few days ago, I read a verse in the Bible that talks about how Christians are to walk by faith and not by sight (2 Corinthians 5:7). This verse made me think twice about the concept of walking because for the first time in my life, I have closely observed a little human learning how to walk.

First of all, what is faith? The Bible says that Faith is when one relies with absolute confidence and assurance even though we haven’t seen it physically with our eyes yet (Hebrews 11:1).

So how does one walk in faith?

When my baby girl started to walk, her eyes developed laser sharp focus for the closest piece of furniture at hand and toddles as fast as she can before she loses her balance and falls down splat on the marble tiled floor. How do we apply this to walking in faith?

As I meditated again on the aforementioned scriptures, I realized that I can hold on to God’s word in my faith walk like my daughter holding on to the furniture in her walking adventure. I can cling on with all hope to Scripture verses as God’s promises for me. God says He will never leave us nor forsake us.

So when I go through a situation that seems so unbearable, when I feel so overwhelmed and there is no way out, I can lift my hand up to the heavens and toddle forward in faith holding on to the scriptures for motivation to move forward through the open space of turbulent uncertainty (John 16:33).

Lesson 2: Develop Those Faith Muscles

In just a week and a half, our baby improved so much in balance, confidence and number of steps she could take at a time. She practices walking relentlessly everyday till she is exhausted or hungry. Her leg muscles are strengthened and her balance improves with each practice session.

How do we develop our faith muscles? Faith comes by listening over and over to the Word of God (Romans 10:17), spending time with God’s Word and also exercising and walking, holding onto God’s promises. Not allowing what we see in the physical to keep us from walking in Faith.

As a new momma struggling to get through different routines throughout the day on barest minimum sleep, it can be difficult to maintain our quiet time. I imagine that even veteran mommas with several children, juggling work, PTA meetings, and church ministry activities will even struggle more to find few moments of quietness.

Thankfully, we have many modern technologies and the internet to help us out with that. We can listen to Christian messages on several different platforms, from TBN, FaithTV and other satellite TV channels, YouTube, Instagram and our different apps for listening to audiobooks.

A great and seriously underutilized resource is the YouVersion Bible App. For those of us who struggle to be motivated to read through the Bible in a year, I recommend their Bible devotionals.

I have been enjoying the “Bible in one year 2019” reading plan as it has an audio read along version that’s amazing to follow when my hands are a bit busy or I am nursing and want to listen to God’s Word. Faith comes by hearing and hearing by the Word of God. It has detailed commentaries and practical applications of the assigned readings for the day and it will proceed to go through the chapters assigned but only in certain versions like NIV.

Dear mommas and sisters, as we spend more time listening to the Word of God, and walking in faith, it won’t just feel like we are stumbling through life’s challenges anymore. As our faith muscles strengthen, we should, like Peter be able to take firm bold steps over the raging stormy waters in our life, our eyes fixed on Jesus, the author and finisher of our Faith.

P.S: As most of us mommas struggle with exhaustion and function on little sleep, we can start walking by faith by believing God concerning his promises that God is our strength, and that we can do all things through Christ who strengths us (Philippians 4:13)

I originally wrote this article for this site

Motherhood Diaries: Baby Sleep struggles

It’s 2.35am, I am wide awake, the normal bone deep tiredness retreating into the distance for a confused change. I just went through a bizarre tussle with my 10 month old daughter, leaving me feeling somewhat lacking as a mother.

Basically what has been happening lately that gave rise to me feeling that I am failing as a mum is that bedtime has been mostly a struggle withour baby girl and I. Well, a “more-than-usual” struggle. I honestly don’t know how sleep training would work with a restless sleeper.

From the moment she turned 7 months, she would pull herself to stand in her crib-turned-play-pen and walk around in circles endlessly. So leaving her to sleep on her own in the crib doesn’t work as she will take that as permission to explore and play and perfect her walking skills through the night.

So now, in putting baby to bed, I would go through this long tiring workout juggling between backing her, bringing her down when she keeps wriggling.

To put her to sleep, picture backing a child and bouncing up and down on your heels to rock her to sleep…

If she is still awake an hour later, or as short as it takes for me to physically tire out, I proceed to use my breastmilk to make her fall asleep (yes, I know experts say this is a no-no but what is a fatigued mama gonna do?!)

Any little energy I have at the end of the day is spent putting her to sleep. Sometimes she falls asleep quite easily. But it is nights like this one that leave more of an impression. I had to Whatsapp call my husband in the living room to come bail me out.

I had woken up before 7 this morning with a determined zeal to clean (sweep and mop floors) our entire house in one day (we have a big house). Usually I do portions between two or three days. My mum and her helper had come over today and I used the opportunity to see my plan through.

My husband had come home by 9pm and hadn’t eaten his packed lunch yet so I didn’t want to disturb him till he had eaten dinner. I continued my efforts doggedly despite my aching legs and back and tiredness. At 10.45pm, I had to Whatsapp call him to come bail me out. I had just changed her poopy diapers and he met us splayed out on the bed, she had rolled over playfully on the bed. He picked her up and she docilely laid her head on his shoulder. I looked on in disbelief and felt a brief pang of disappointment at all the effort I had put in, including struggling to keep her head on my shoulder to sleep as part of my list of efforts of sleep routine. I turned off the lamp and lay silently on the messy bed so as not to make any noise.

Fast forward to now, I can’t remember if this is the first time she woke up since hubby put her to bed, but somehow this time she just would not suck and go back to sleep, though this happens a few times since she turned 5 months. I don’t know how this huge sense of frustration and anger came over me and I stood up with her and start forcing her head to rest on my shoulder and angrily hissing at her that its time to sleep. She obviously fought off my efforts and her whimpers woke my husband who normally sleeps through her middle-of-the-night-feedings. I got back into bed and tried giving her the breast to go back to sleep, but she is still awake and I’m feeling angry and frustrated and she is crying out. My husband gave up tossing and turning and just takes her from my arms and she quietens and falls promptly asleep as he rocks her. He keeps on his efforts for like 10 more minutes to ensure she is in deep sleep all the while I am feeling guilty at my anger and frustration and somewhat betrayed by how easily she has been falling asleep with her dad.

My husband lays her down and comes into bed..I reach out for him, he lays on his stomach, head faced away, arm squeezing mine and instantly falls asleep, unaware of the turmoil within me.

Wide awake and disconcerted, I pick up the phone and weirdly try to blog my feelings away to the calm whirring of our standing fan. The me of several years ago would bring out my well worn diary and write and write, trying to sort out my feelings, Literally pouring out my confused feelings till I fall asleep, emptied.

I guess I blow my nose a little bit noisily and our darling super light sleeper is up and standing, clinging to the sides of her cot, whimpering. I take her, bring her to my breast, she instantly falls asleep and all is right with the mother in me. Though I still feel the need to finish this blog. Whereas my thoughts were all jumbled off and I started going off on a tangent, which I erased… my head is cleared and I am able to recount this nights misadventure more clearly…for a fellow nursing mom’s reading pleasure as you chuckle and sympathize along with me.

For now, I will try and resume as much needed rest before she wakes up for her next midnight breastfeed…

Dear nursing mother…or nursing father (as my hubby and some men I know would passionately argue for…)Please would like to hear your stories as well as moments of frustration u felt in your journey into parenthood. Where there certain vivid circumstances that occurred which left u feeling less than or lacking as a parent?

What lessons have you learnt from being a parent?

Sleeping “like a baby” in the wee hours of the morning…and yes, she sleeps most soundly in our bed

Training my 10-month old baby girl





“You people are late, you have spoilt her, you should have started training her before 6 months,” my Nigerian dad said from the head of the sturdy oak dining table a few days ago.




Then began my attempts to defend my parenting abilities “well daddy, she only recently began to understand “No”. She just turned 10 months… there is still plenty of hope for discipline.”




After that, I don’t know what possessed me to explain how she is already showing signs of a strong will and how she clenches her teeth and sometimes squeezes her eyes shut when I am derailing her exploratory efforts with “No” and finger wagging.




“Great, you just confirmed what daddy is saying!”, I mentally chide myself. Am I supposed to spank a 10-month-old?




Anyone familiar with the Nigerian parenting style will sympathize with me. I have been exposed to many homes with varied styles of parenting and I know the result of a total lack of discipline.




It’s almost inevitable that the visit to my parent’s place during the weekend of the (failed/postponed) Nigerian presidential elections gave me an opportunity to reflect on, decide and actively implement how best I want to raise our child with my husband. After all, we did promise in front of God and our church to raise her in fear and knowledge of God…..



Partnering with God in Parenting




Often we are so tempted to Google everything when it comes to the unknown and we try to equip ourselves with medical and expert advice gathered from research studies. My Google dependence soared to new heights from the moment I got pregnant. However, God is the one who created our precious ones. He alone knows all the gifts, talents and abilities He has deposited in our children.


For rest of this post, click here