Baby making: A Secretive Joy

A life is growing inside of me …

A little miracle, it’s tiny beating heart reflecting my heart beats of joy.

That initial cautious disbelief…a missed period by a day in a regular 25 day cycle. Could this be it? As 1 missed day slowly rolls into 2 …3…4…my mind and body attuned to each other, picks up on the changes happening in my body. My body preparing itself to nurture and bring forth life! What marvelous wonder, what incredible anticipation! Wanting to be sure beyond doubt, we opt for a blood pregnancy test at a clinic.

It is positive! How sure are you that the result is accurate? I thought surely it couldn’t be as a result of our lovemaking a mere week ago! The newly fertilised egg should have just planted itself in my womb. My mind scrolls through the information I have been researching recently for referenceThe lab technician brings out the blood pregnancy kit. The darker red colour, the technician assures us, means the pregnancy must be weeks old at least

My mind scrambles to recall the event… that night?? Or our intimate early morning? I shake my head at the ridiculous notion that I must recall in details the miraculous moment our child was conceived. This pregnancy has brought one harebrained romantic, idealistic preconception or the other I never thought I had unconsciously gathered over the years.

Living with CML for over a decade, as young as 17, I had been cautioned about unprotective sex as any resulting pregnancy would have dire consequences. The chemotherapy treatment I was on would be harmful to a newly developing fetus, especially during it’s vital stages formation in the first 3 months. Going off the chemotherapy drugs would be fatal to my health as I was in the initial stage of Leukaemia diagnosis. I see this caution as a blessing in disguise as it helped me to develop a deep responsible streak no matter how a romantic prince charming I attempted to sweep me off my feet. It’s a a little wonder that I carried a bit of this cautiousness into marriage. We decided to practice family planning for first 3 months to also give me time to settle into my new life and wifey responsibilities. Some time during those adjustment months, I came to a conclusion that my ignorance or limited medical knowledge was not bliss at all! Any time I could remember, I checked in with my good ol’ friend, Google. First, I googled effects of Glivec (chemo treatment I had been on for past 11 years, see for the full story). There was no conclusive evidence for or against it. However the stories I read were not encouraging. Those on Glivec somehow couldn’t conceive, so they stopped taking the drug, and for months of close monitoring of their medical teams, taking fertility treatments and regular blood tests and other medical tests. One hopeful mum to be had to entrust her artificially fertilised embryo to the womb of a close family friend to be the surrogate mum. With how backwards our healthcare system was in Nigeria, I shuddered to think of the financial implications of these fertility solutions in the few private clinics that could give international standard fertility solutions…

Consciously plugging into optimistic thinking, I decided to let go of human medical science and knowledge and discouraging reports out there. My faith needed divine uplifting and strengthening, it was time to turn off that internet and plug into the infallible and unfailing word of God. Faith comes by hearing and hearing by the Word of God right? CML has taken over so many areas of my life, delayed my schooling and my career, reduced my self confidence as my high school mates were seemingly ahead of me in the race called life. It was way past time I stopped living in defeat and start walking in God’s victory! It was a visible effort, I decided to start this blog as an attempt to remember all the miraculous things God has done for me inmy life this far, and start by encouraging myself before I can even think of inspiring others. Living in an isolated part of town, far from family and friends, limiting my time on social media, focusing on my new married life and having time to read the Bible transform the way I think (visibly put my regrets behind me Romans 12:2).

Before I knew it, I started googling with a new purpose in mind: googling with mindset that the glivec I was taking would have no effect on my reproductive system, it would be as harmless. as taking vitamin C. I started learning more aboutmy ovulation period, signs of fertility and the known mucus test. By the 4th month, I was conscious about making love during my “fertile window”. I laughed at myself at the twinge of disappointment I felt when drops of blood hailed the arrival of the menses. Little was I to know it would be my last encounter with the monthly period nuisances for a while!