
Two massive masses of excruciating, throbbing pain on my chest
Pain that pounds along to the blood coursing through my veins
Eyes heavy and hooded, holding back expressions of pain
I shy away for fear of being kicked or elbowed in the most tender of places
Uuuffffhh!
A kick I didn’t see coming knocks me off my feet, I fail to brace myself
For the waves of pain shooting through my body
I hold our baby girl away from me
Her eyes well up in confusion
She longs to be held
She too is undergoing a transition, a right of passage
From being a milk dependent babe
To a grown up independent toddler
Her body, weary from lack of sleep of the night before,
Her lips peel back to let out cries of hurt, needing her mama
The sweet delicious comfort she has known since birth is snatched away,
Been craddled in the warmth of mummy’s arms
Suckling, a scientifically inexplicable bond
Learning to sleep without aid of suckling milk is a foreign feat
.
Swollen breasts harden, small breast ducts bulging beneath skin
As mum’s brain registers the cues of baby’s cries,
Sends signals to the breast: produce more milk!
Doesn’t matter that milk storages are overfull
.
.
.
With each passing day, the pain reduces, albeit minimally
Baby girl struggles reduce, sleep embraces her with open arms
During the day, mother and daughter slowly learn a new dance
Slowly we advance to the next level of mother-daughter bonding:
Before weaning, she could never sit still for more than two heartbeats
Eager to perfect her walking, increase her speed of running,
Suddenly she is all about cuddles,
Crawling into my lap is now a normal need for mama’s comforting hugs
Independent she grows, confident in her mama’s immoveable love.
.
.
.
My mummy heart expands further than I thought possible
Love fills me, reassurance that the special bond between me and baby girl isn’t lost.
Initial fears now prove a waste of emotional strength
Our mama-daughter bond has evolved, matured, grown and strengthened.